Thursday, January 30, 2014

Whisky Smorgasbord

To put your minds at ease, I've been drinking plenty of whisky while gaining weight. Replacing carbs with whisky does wonders to lose weight; adding the carbs on top of whisky does wonders to pack it on. Usually, I have a 1.5 liter of R&R or American Pride strapped upside down to my back with an IV drip feeding me a steady 1.5 oz per hour, but I'll occasionally pop up a shelf for something ever-so-slightly classier. Here's what I've tried over the last few months:

● Black & White Blended Scotch
● Rebel Yell Bourbon
● Tyler & Lloyd Blended Scotch
● Glen Kirk 8 Yr Speyside Single Malt
● Dewar's 12 Yr Blended Scotch
● Shieldaig Highland Single Malt
● Firefly Moonshine
● McClelland's Islay Single Malt

Not much out of the ordinary here, though the Shieldaig surprised me as my favorite of the bunch: smooth, sweet and smoky, more like a Speyside or Islay than any Highland I've tasted.

The Firefly just about made me vomit. I assumed I'd love moonshine, given that I've developed a sweet tooth for nearly any whisky or whiskey, but I can only drink this stuff mixed with soda. Thanks, Firefly--despite my greater girth, you've made me a lesser man.

Weight: 241 lbs (01/29)
Weight: 242 lbs (01/22)
Weight: 240 lbs (01/15)

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Face The Fats

Last June, the American Medical Association declared that obesity is a disease. My silly reasons for getting fat don't fully justify giving myself a disease, so either I don't care enough about my health or I don't believe being fat is unhealthy. Well, the answer is somewhere in between-- I am willing to risk my health, just as I do getting into a car or crossing a busy street, and I put my faith in a growing body of information that calls bullshit on the dangers of obesity. Here are some of my favorites:


A common strong point in these exposés is that fitness, even in moderation, is a far better indicator of health than weight, as studies consistently find people who are fat and fit are metabolically healthier and live longer than people who are thin and unfit.

A lot of people think fat kills. Blocked or broken arteries kill, and organ failure kills, but body fat has been proven to cause neither. Rather, obesity is just an innocent symptom found guilty by association. Blaming body fat, rather than, for instance, inert subsistence on deep-fried sugar bombs, is like blaming the crime scene tape that gets put up after a murder. "Something needs to be done about that tape! They should put it behind bars and throw away the key. Give it the chair! And pass me a donut!"

No, the only sure way fat will kill you is if you are crushed by it. Could that be why so many people get so emotional over other people's weight, fear of being fallen on? It's not like they have to worry about second-hand fat. "That fat bastard got too close to me and I gained 5 pounds! Well, at least he didn't fall on me."

I think thin people are scared that they are going to become a minority at the rate the population is becoming obese. At 100 million and counting, obese people are the largest and fastest growing minority in the US. That's why the health and political establishments are pulling out all of their defenses. They've labeled obesity a disease. They're talking about putting a tax on fat people. They're pushing fat interventions in schools and workplaces.

But they won't be able to stop it. Pretty soon, we'll have a fat senate, a fat congress, and a fat president. Maybe fat people will start discriminating against thin people. Not hiring them. Keeping them from voting. Putting them in labor camps. Dressing in bed sheets (king-sized) and lynching them. "Boys, we done got ourselves a thin one. Tie 'm up and sit on 'm".

Yes, be afraid. Be very afraid. And Happy New Year! :-)

Weight: 240 lbs (01/08)
Weight: 241 lbs (01/01)
Weight: 238 lbs (12/25)
Weight: 237 lbs (12/18)